If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
