watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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