I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
