It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
