I just made out with a guy for $7.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
