Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No subtext here. People are naked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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