I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize