Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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