what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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