Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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