Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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