I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
