You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
