i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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