I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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