Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
