just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
