so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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