im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
