I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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