Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
