Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
