i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
