It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You took a bar mat shot.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
