she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
