i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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