he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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