so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
