I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
