you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
