I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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