I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
