We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
