Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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