I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
