I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
