I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
