That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
