We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
