Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
