He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
