Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
