Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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