i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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