i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
