Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were trust falling into bushes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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