She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
