He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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