dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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