Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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