Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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