dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
