you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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