To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize