After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Couch. On fire.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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