I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
