Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
