I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
