found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
