Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
