If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
