M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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