I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
