the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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