There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
