i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
