And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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