last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
