I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
