My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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