I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
