there's paper in my vomit.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
